Birthday or Anniversary

12th October 2005 was S’s birth day and my defining moment.

10 years ago today I had one of the toughest days of my life. My world was turned upside down and I became a mum.

Motherhood is a magnifying glass. It amplifies your emotions, your strengths, your weaknesses and your LOVE.

When you watch your son stop breathing, you appreciate every breath he takes. When you see him turn blue, you treasure his rosy cheeks and warm touch. When you imagine the day he is no longer there, you cherish every smile and embrace.

The last 10 years has been a roller coaster ride into a world I knew very little about.

A world of physios, hospital appointments, OT’s, medications, IEPs, stretches, Portage, splints, switches, SALTs, syringes, PEGs, diagnoses, standing frames, walkers, Leckey, wheelchairs, sleep systems, weighted blankets and so much more. I entered a world of smiles and love, of giggles and tender moments. My heart breaks at how tough living is for S, and I daily struggle to meet the expectations of motherhood, yet I have learnt so much about life and loving.

In the last decade I have been introduced into a community of people I am proud to be part of. Amongst a group of men and women dedicated to quietly and passionately seeing the beauty in kids like S and bringing out the best in him. A community of families containing unique, beautiful individuals, each of whom have created so much love around them it takes my breath away.

For years the 12th October 2005 was an anniversary for me, and a tough one at that.

For the first few years of S’s life it was spent in hospital hovering over a sick little boy. Yesterday we marked ten years with a BIG party at home. Yesterday we celebrated Sam and thanked God for him.

It was an amazing day. I looked around my brightly coloured garden, as kids jumped on bouncy castles, and saw the essence of life. I saw community, family, trials, laughter, pain, love and people’s stories. Today, my world is nothing like what I expected it to be. Each day is longer, heavier, harder and more precious. Today, I am once again grateful to be walking this road with my best friend and the most wonderful man I know. Today, I am grateful for my three incredible sons. Today, I am thankful for this life I am living.

But today I am most proud of my boy and hugely thankful for him. His smile melts my heart and all over body giggles are infectious. He is a transforming and beautiful boy who made me a mum. Thank you for changing me, and being who you are.

Just look at that smile and those eyes…

Happy Birthday,

I love you,
Mummy xxxxx